Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Why Nicolas Cage is a Horrible Actor: Nouveau Shamanic

Actors are supposed to be eccentric, after all they are playing someone who is not them. I took Acting 101 two years ago and I learned nothing, however, what I discovered is that actors go to great lengths to get the part known as method acting. People like Daniel Day-Lewis and Christian Bale (although his American Accent is terrible, later blog post) have been put on the A-list because of method acting. Basically, an actor lives like the character and records every emotion they have when placed in a situation for example if an actor is playing a cop he/she then studies what a cop does on a typical day and records any emotion. During filming method actors stay in character on and off the set.

Usually these actors get critically acclaimed in every movie they star in, which is fine because they work really hard (have you seen Gangs of New York?). However, when someone becomes too overly eccentric you become overly dramatic or what I like to call "a fuckin disaster." Which brings me to Nicolas Cage, the ipitame of horrible actors. Don't get me wrong at one point Nicolas Cage was a great actor, but I think that Cher smack him so hard in "Moon Struck" that I think he forgot how to be one. Nicolas Cage studied acting for six months having role models such as Robert DeNiro and Lawrence Oliver. Eventually, he said the hell with the acting I think that I'm just going to make up my own method up called "Nouveau Shamanic." I don't even think this is a word in English, French, or Entish (Lord of the Rings) but it's just a made up excuse for being a terrible actor. If you ever watch any Nicolas Cage movie that he starred in begining with the horrid remake, "Gone in 60 Seconds"  and any movies after, here are some helpful tips to help you comprehend if your watching a bad Nicolas Cage Movie. Also, a youtube video for your thoughts:


Hooking Up: The Need for Casual Sex Gone?

In the words of Lil Kim "I've been gone for a minute, now I'm back with the jump off." For this reason I apologize to the two people that I have reading "Are you there SoCo it's me, Dan?", but there was nothing interesting that I found to write about or that happened to me. I could have written about the near catastrophic Apocalypse that happend on May 21st, but I didn't hear back from the Devil about his retirement and me taking over Hell. Going back to the title of the blog post, I found an interesting CNN report about the "hook-up culture." This is just another ambiguous media term for casual sex, like sexually active or terrorist, which means all people of the Middle East or Dearborn, Michigan. To summarize the article, college students are saying no more to casual hook-ups because of rejection or to use one of my mantras "hit it or quit it." These nights are fueled with drinking before hand and then hooking up with a random person. They say that they're tired, I say that sounds like a good night. There are plenty of benefits to hooking up, one not being emotionally available. My favorite benefit is that you can use a fake alias like, Saaphaire  or Dominic James. This is useful when you know that the person is going to Facebook you the next day. In addition to my favorite benefit, you can use fake numbers if you know that the person is going to call you like the rejection hotline. Also, if this person is at your house and you just got out of the shower you can say, "I have to take a shower and by the time I get out, you'll won't be here" ( make sure they leave before you start the water). The only rule that I have is don't hook-up with someone you know, especially if you hang out in either the same circles. Also, PRACTICE SAFE SEX!

Friday, April 22, 2011

I'm Going to Tell You Once and For All: I Don't Care About The Royal Wedding!

I haven't watched the Today Show in studio 1A in Rockeffeller Plaza for the past two weeks and here is why. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE ROYAL WEDDING. And according to a recent 60 Minutespoll "Only four percent are interested in the whole wedding it's self." We as Americans went through our teenage independence phase from Great Britain four score and seven years ago. Which is what I don't understand why the news keeps reporting it. The only thing I'm curious about is the dress, because Princess Diana's was a HOT MESS or as my sister says, "She looks like she can smuggle of bunch of Mexicans." I don't understand about the Mexicans, but stop comparing Princess Diana with Kate Middleton. As a young child I don't remember Princess Diana, but as I'm forced to listen as I'm reading my national politics on CNN.com there are a lot of differences and I'm going to break it down like Missy Meanor on a Timberland beat. For one thing William and Kate are the same age and not thirty years apart like his father and mother. Secondly, Kate can handle the press well and Diana couldn't. Finally, so far at least there isn't someone else in their relationship. So I want to ask the question, why are people so obsessed about the royal wedding? Also Lifetime produced a film called William and Kate with American actors with American accents. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. This is ridiculous.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Election Reform: If an Immigrant can do it, So Can You


When it comes to voting, Americans believe that it is the tool that helps us make a mark in our political system. And I agree with this, however, we come from a country that allow people to vote who don't know anything about the political system. So I want to ask a question "Should we allow people who know nothing about politics, vote?"

The Founding Fathers found a solution to this problem (Glenn Beck listen up). Before I go on I just want to point out to my readers(?) that the Founding Fathers were elitist. They were educated in arithmatic, greek and latin. I don't want to talk these people up, but basically what I'm saying is they had their shit together, Tea Party members. Back in the old days what we called a party they called a faction. The issue of factions came up in Federalist 10 with Madison explaining that a faction is, "a number of citizens, whether amounting to a majority or minority of the whole who are united and actuated by some common impulse of passion interest and adverse to the rights of other citizens or to the permanent and aggregate interest of the community," meaning that a group of people who share a common interst come together who have enough momentum to shoot other ideas down, which also can be majority faction and minority faction. Factions are horrid to democracy, so Madison proposed two solutions to get rid of factions. First take away liberty. To quote Madison, "liberty to faction as air is to fire." However, Madison points out that this is foolish because liberty is essential to democracy. Next is giving everyone the same opinion. Madison argues that people are fallible and that different opinions will usually form. For America, a republican form of government is a necessity in our type of democracy because the people can elect individuals based on their wisdoms and interest. Also, if we expanded America and had more people this will create more ideas and the more ideas would create more factions and no one faction would become more dominate.

So far, I believe that this solution for protecting voters made by the Founding Fathers is true and thats why we have a government that is so unique. On the other hand, I believe that we have a government that is so confusing and big that its too much to learn about and that we have people who don't care about politics. Unfortunately, these are the people who come out and vote.

So what are we going to do about this problem? I believe that if people wanted to vote, they have to be involved in politics. Learning whats going on in government today. Politics is everywhere, it affects a person everyday. When your eating, sleeping, even shitting it still effects you. Which I don't understand why people can't seem to realize the issues of whats going on out there. For instance, according to a recent CNN article that inspired me to write this post,"Don't Let Ignorant People Vote" LZ Granderson points out that according to a recent CNN poll, when it comes to budget cuts in military spending, more than a third of the people who took the poll wanted to see cuts in military spending and that military spending accounts for thrity percent when it actually takes nineteen percent. If these are the ones who are voting they need to be informed about the issues, how a bill is passed into a law or what are the three branches of government. The latter two you can find on School House Rock (ok I only found one).

So a solution that Granderson proposed was giving them the citizenship test. About that its ashame that people who want to be us and leave their country and give up there citizenship can  take this test AND THERE NOT EVEN FROM HERE. By taking the test we could see who is actually qualified to vote. According to the test it is believe that it is common knowledge to know about the three branches of government, or naming some of the Founding Fathers, Sarah Palin I'm talking to you. The government gives us test all the time from getting a liscense for something to civics test. Why not a test for voting? I'm not trying to shut out anyone, but when you have people who know nothing about government they shouldn't be voting.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Don't Go in the Cave, White Girl!

If you ask a white person if black people are crazy they would probably respond by saying they have insert number of black friends, give you a lecture on PowerPoint on why black people are just misunderstood and say in there conclusion that your just a racist. But the truth of the matter is they are because obviously, unless ghetto by birth due to environment, they live in high rise apartments in the city surrounded by doormen, hybrid cars and Trader Joe's or in the suburbs surrounded by Walmarts and nice malls like KOP or Exton. On the other hand, if you ask a black person if white people are crazy they'll respond with, "Them niggaz are crazy." I'm not trying to be a racist or anything, but when it comes to white people, "them niggaz are crazy." And here are a few things.

All my high school and college careers I have been dealing with the people of the Caucuses and I came up with a few reasons why white people are crazy:

1. Killed by certain Circumstances because you need advice or help
This is in movies and in real life and personally I believe that this is why black people get killed in a horror movie first. there are two reasons. First, we try to warn you not to summon someone or mess with a certain voodoo or hoodoo ritual. For instance in the movie Clive Baker's Candyman. One of the parts Helen, played by Virginia Marsden, is attacked by Candyman or Tony Todd. Just then hes out in the hall way and so is her black friend Bernadett who gets killed by the Candyman because Helen doesn't believe in the Candyman. Secondly, we just happend to be in the wrong place at the wrong time because white people need help all the time. For instance, white people are clumsy and they would trip over a gust of wind. But it's always black people in the end who get killed because we have to pick you up and shut you the hell up so we won't get killed. and because you won't shut the fuck up, we get killed.

2. Doing things that your not qualified to handle
Grizzly man comes to mind. In this documentary made in 2003, Grizzly Man tracks a man for 13 summers in Bumble Fuck State Park, Alaska where he harrases and assults bears. This man even goes as far as trying to swim with the bears, PUNCHED A BEAR IN THE FACE, and giving them names like Grinch and David (David is made up, but he punched Grinch in the face). After many warnings by the park rangers, and punching the bear in the face, him and his girlfriend get eatin up by a bear. This is a HOT MESS. Don't touch anything that doesn't belong to you or that moves knowing that it may kill you unless your qualified like Bindy Irwin, her father, or the Crocidile Hunter.

3. Getting lost
White people take a compas, implant a GPS tracker up your butt, or take some flares where ever you go. You people have a habbit of getting lost going to the store, going to someone's house, or going to school. Which I don't understand because most of these places 20 feet away from your house. And then I have to hear about it on the Today Show or on CNN News following a breaking news about a little boy who may be up in a helium balloon somewhere only to be found in the attic somewhere. And stop making up or exaggerating stories too. Because not only will I have to watch a story of you on the Today show or CNN news, but  I have to hear follow up stories as well. In addition to getting lost, falling into places where you shouldn't be like your child falling into a well. And the funny thing is, unless you threw her in that well, how in the hell did she get in there? This is a response to little jessica who is graduating somewhere or reached a certian age for a trust fund.

4. Crazy activities that shouldn't perform
I like when white people act like jackasses. I especially like it when white people do things that are considered "jackass like" and make a show called Jackass. Now I know that this is old, but don't copy off of these jackasses, jackasses. This is dangerous and they have a "DO NOT PERFORM THESE STUNTS" in the beginning of each show.

5. Obsessing over certain things
This may or may not have anything to do with this article. I know that white women like to be a princess one day, and even read or watched the movies starring Anne Hathaway "Disney's: The Princess Diaries." About princesses, I'm tired of hearing about Kate Middleton and Prince William's marriage. We are American and we escaped the harsh treatment of the British and became a world power of our own. Therefore, why do we care whats going on, on the other side of the pond? Although on a side note, I like Princess Diana and the hummanitarian work she did for landmines, however, I don't like her dress that she wore for her wedding day, and I'm hoping that Kate dosn't wear something like that for her wedding.
Vampires are another thing that I hate. I don't understand these vampire shows or the people who play them, especially Twilight. I like the director of the first Twilight, Catherine Hardwicke. I like her movies Thirteen and Lords of Dog Town, help me get threw a lot during my teenage years despite not being a girl in the seventh grade. But what I don't like is an awkward movie, with awkward actors, placed in an awkward setting where there is nothing but cloudy. And despite making a movie that did well in the box office, Kristen Stewart who plays Bella Swan is the most awkward, constipated looking girl in the whole world. And she always complains about being an actress taking interviews in  British Elle, which is the magazine which people think that American's can't read Queen's English which we could. I want to tell this woman Stewart to Stewart, If you don't want to be an actress or atleast try, then you should have went back into hiatus or back out in general of the last two movies."

Sunday, April 10, 2011

there is a disaster and your worried about is Food

(Read Below) I'm not racist, and I just want to make that clear before anyone accuses me of being too harsh on God's chosen people. But I have to be considering that there was two earthquakes, tsunami, and a nuclear explosion and the people of Isreal are worried about sushi. I understand the aspect of cost-pull inflation, especially when I have to put in for gas for a 2007 Toyota that isn't even mine every other week. But when there are people dying of radiation all they are worried about is soysauce. And the funny thing about the soysauce is that most of it is imported from the United States. And why would you want the fish in the first place? Most of it imported from Japaneseland isn't healthy for you because its probably filled with radiation. Israelis fear sushi shortage after quake - Israel Business, Ynetnews

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Momma always said life is not a musical. it's just a cereal and a board game

As a gay man, and yes I'm gay, I like glee. I love the black girl, the two asians, the teacher, the jew jock, the dumb jock, the slutanna, britney bitch, wheels, Rachel Berry (who I was in high school-ask anyone) and the sexy Mr Schuster. I love Ryan Murphy and everything that he did for FX, especially with Julian Mcmahon. I can't look at the arch nemesis of the Fantastic Four without having a doctor patient fantasy (however, I DON'T LIKE EAT PRAY LOVE . AUTHOR=BITCH GIRL STATUS). 


With that being said, I don't like other shows that aren't musicals, doing musicals. Especially when it was a medically based drama, where there is more drama than medical. As my favorite show, Greys Anatomy, did a musical episode I closed my eyes when watching it. Not only because Callie had every single injury imagined and had the possibility of dying but, the singing was horrible. AND WHAT IS WITH WRITERS IN ANY MEDICAL MUSICAL EPISODE MAKING SOMEONE HAVE A BAD HEAD INJURY?  Scrubs did the same thing, and this woman had a bump on the head. I don't want anymore shows to do musicals.